Although there has been much talk of the border down the middle of the Irish Sea after the 31st January 2020, so far, nobody has really given too much thought to how this will look. Not any more. Today, February 1st 2020, the Conservative government’s Ministry for Straight Lines has published the results of a six month investigation by a consultancy firm, Floggit & Leggit, costing the British taxpayer fifteen million pounds.
The consequences for the ancient Manx village of Cregneash are catastrophic as it will be cut off from the rest of the Island with a border crossing and passport control being required to enter and leave. Also, the road to the popular tourist spot of The Sound, where people go to watch the impressive power of the tide and the many seals and sea birds, will be subject to restrictions.
Richard Head, the government’s minister for Straight Lines, explains the reasoning behind the apparently inexplicable decision.
“It is very important for sea and air navigation to have as few curvy lines as possible so that ships and aircraft don’t have to turn too often as this wastes fuel. Part of the Conservative government’s strong commitment to reduce CO2 emissions to a bit less than now by sometime next century, includes the unnecessary and fuel wasting turning of ships and aircraft.”
The sea border starts at Warrenpoint and travels in a straight line splitting the river delta down the middle. It then turns and heads straight towards the ATC radar beacon, which is situated just above the village of Cregneash.
“Pilots have been using this beacon as a turning point since the 1950s and changing this now would cause all sorts of disruption to flights” said Mr. Head.
“From the village of Muff, which is well known for diving and is near Londonderry, we had to go in as straight a line as possible out to sea to intersect with the line coming from the Isle of Man.”
Juan Kelly, the Isle of Man minister for Transport says that this is another one of the inevitable consequences of Brexit. “We should be able to organise a “softish border” without the need for full passport control on the Howe road and the Darragh. We have been in contact with Mr Head at the Ministry for Straight Lines and he says that until December 31st, nothing need change. However, after that we will have to move a couple of marshal’s huts from the TT course to house the passport controllers.”
“The aim is not to have to ask people with Manx registration plates to stop, as a quick flash will suffice. However, any comeovers will probably be subject to a full strip search to make sure they are not smuggling any kippers out in their underpants.”
David Quine of the Port Erin commissioners is furious. “As a Crown dependency, we have a choice whether to follow the rules of the British government or not. The Queen is seriously letting us down here and I think we should ask Harry to take us on instead. I will be in the House of Keys next week and will put forward a motion for ‘Manxit’. It is time for the Island to be truly independent and remain part of the EU. Robinsons can still buy its fruit and veg from Dublin after all”